AN: This wouldn’t get out of my head, after seeing SWAK for the umpteenth time. I did fiddle with the canon a bit, like the things about Kate’s sister. Hope you like.

“Why did you tell me you were sick,” the question sounds.

Tony DiNozzo strolls back into the office after nearly dying from the plague. He swaggers in like he has no care in the world, like he had not gotten sick. It is like nothing happened, except for the question he asks immediately.

“Welcome back DiNozzo,” I reply.

My voice is as sarcastic as ever, because I force it to be. He cannot pretend that nothing happened. That he didn’t almost get killed by the plague through a SWAK.

“Back to the bubble,“ is the response. “Why?”

Of course, he is never going to let the issue go. He is like a pit-bull on this issue, just like he is with everything else. Especially with his many girls. He is not going to stop hitting on someone until he either gets his ass kicked or gets her phone number.

“Did you really think I was going to leave you to die,” I question.

Avoiding the real issue, I can be really good at that. I guess that Secret Service training is good for something. Of course, I’m avoiding the issue of avoiding as well.

“You could have gotten infected,” Tony argues.

Oh right, because I had not thought about that one myself. Not before I did it, but I had plenty of internal debate about that afterwards. I couldn’t seem to find the reason why I had been so careless and reckless. I could have died because of that impulsiveness.

“But I didn’t,” I present my main argument.

This is said both to convince Tony and to convince myself of my sanity. I can honestly say I don’t know what possessed me. It sure as hell wasn’t doctor Brad Pitt. The guy thought I was a complete lunatic, but then again, so did I.

“I kind of got that, Kate,” is the irritated reaction.

At least we’re back onto familiar territory now. We don’t go a day without irritating one another at least once. I have gotten used to that after all the time we have worked together on Gibbs’ team. It simply wouldn’t be the same without the arguing.

“You almost died in there,” I say softly. “I couldn’t let you go down without a fight.”

No matter what, I will not let Tony know that I cried on Ducky’s shoulder when I thought he was going to die. Can you imagine what that would do to his ego? It is already large enough as it is, and he would just take things out of context anyway.

“Something tells me you’re taking the easy way out,” Tony remarks.

Sometimes he really is too perceptive. That makes me wish he was as dumb as I thought he was before I got to know him a little. Tony DiNozzo is many things, but not dumb or ignorant. He sees too much sometimes, and that isn’t good in this scenario.

“Well, that something is wrong,” I respond petulantly.

I see myself as a mature person, but once Tony is involved I can act like a spoiled child. It is the same for him, only he pretends to be immature. I have gotten looks of the Tony behind that façade of the skirt-chasing playboy. He’s more than that.

“Why are you being so stubborn,” he asks in annoyance.

It’s like there’s a voice inside my head telling me to avoid the subject as long and as much as I possibly can. Even though I really don’t know why I did it, I really don’t want Tony to know that for some reason. It sounds wrong to say, but admitting to wanting to be there for him would sound like a weakness in my eyes.

“Why do you need another reason besides the one I just gave you,” I ask him.

Why do you need to know more, Tony? As my sister the shrink has noted, I don’t like admitting to my weaknesses. And especially not in front of DiNozzo.

Not that my sister knows anything about him. Besides him being my work partner.

“Because Probie or Boss wouldn’t have done that,” Tony makes his case.

He may have a point there. I don’t think anyone else on the team would have pretended to be infected, no matter the reason. That just makes me even more confused about the reason why I did stay with him, even when it could have gotten me killed.

“Gibbs would have slapped you and ordered you to get better,” I state.

As long as I can make Tony believe that it was simply a colleague thing, or something like that, I will be fine. If he doesn’t buy it - and he probably won’t - I will have to tell him that I don’t even know why I stayed with him in that room.

“No playing the concerned colleague, Kate,” he scolds.

Let me put aside the fact that he is actually scolding me long enough to give him a reasonably honest answer to his opening question.

“I don’t know why I did it,” I finally admit to him.

He just looks at me after that. A long and awkward stare, as if he is trying to read me, trying to find out if I’m telling the truth. He’s using his agent-abilities on me. After a while interrogating suspects, you start to know when people are telling the truth.

“Glad to see that that’s sorted out,” Tony says in that sarcastic way.

I’m not sure if he believes me. He could just be annoyed by the lack of a real reason for what I did. But I’m not sure why he would be so put out. I don’t know what he was hoping to be the reason why I was so careless and reckless.

“I don’t know what you want me to say Tony,” I respond in annoyance.

I am too tired to discuss this. Ever since that close call with the SWAK-case, I haven’t been sleeping that well. Because in my dreams, Tony dies. Sometimes because of my stupid cold, sometimes just because of the plague.

Sometimes I dream of my own death. It’s always Ari who kills me, shooting me in the head from a distance. Sometimes Tony tries to jump in front of the bullet, sometimes I jump in front of him, to save his life. Someone always dies.

Tony is always featured in those dreams. I fear to find out the reason for that. I just let myself think it is because I had that SWAK-scare, and that reminded me that the people close to me can die, just like that. The SWAK-case was just a wake-up call.

“Just give me a reason, Kate,” Tony is starting to get frustrated. “Just tell me there was a reason for the stupidity. You could have died, because of me.”

So we’re both stuck with the guilt of what could have been. We could have killed each other. It seems so different from the usual going of things, even though we can still get the other killed by making certain mistakes. It is different this time. We both made mistakes, but I couldn’t see Tony dying in a hospital bed, from a genetically mutated disease. If anything, Tony would die in the line of duty.

“I don’t know,” is all that I can get out of my mouth.

I can feel it, that wave that is going to take me in. I’m falling asleep, or I’m fainting. After a long amount of time without sleep, the body just shuts down.

And then the world turns black.

<><><><><>

I wake up in my own bed, and I’m not alone. I can feel another presence in the room, something I haven’t had the pleasure of getting used to lately. So waking up with someone in my bed is a strange experience for me.

“Good morning Katie,” the voice of Tony DiNozzo sounds.

Give me a few minutes to wake up, a few more to get rid of that content feeling I seem to be having at the moment, and then I’ll kick him out of here. And if I happen to find myself naked when I kick Tony out, he can have a kick where it really hurts.

“Good morning Tony,” I say with my best Brady impression.

Looking down at myself, I can see that I’m not naked. But I’m not wearing the same outfit as I remembered wearing before I fell. Tony’s in big trouble.

“Abby changed your clothes,” he says. “Don’t worry. Your virtue is still intact. At least, it’s exactly the way it was before you fainted.”

Well, that at least saves Tony a kick in the balls. It still leaves me to wonder why Abby isn’t here, and why Tony DiNozzo slept in my bed, apparently.

“That doesn’t explain you in my bed,” I tell him, mildly annoyed.

This is definitely not the way I imagined the empty side of my bed being filled. I was hoping for it to be filled by a date in the upcoming future, and not by my work-partner after I pass out at work because of a lack of sleep.

“You wouldn’t let me leave,” Tony comes with the explanation. “You kept telling me not to die. I wasn’t planning on dying, but staying with you seemed to help.”

I am suddenly glad I don’t remember that. If only it had been Abby, or my sister, or just pretty much anyone besides Tony. I wouldn’t want it to be Gibbs or McGee, though. So actually not anyone but him, which is what I would have said before.

“Everything I said never leaves this room,” I threaten.

I’m not sure if I want to know what I said, but it’s probably something embarrassing, which Tony is going to have a field day with if I don’t stop him. I know enough ways to kill people, and with Abby’s help I can do it without leaving forensic evidence.

“But we can discuss it in the room,” Tony asks with a smirk.

I might have to go for the not knowing option. If he is that happy about what I said, there is the potential of him hearing something blackmail-worthy. Not that I am easily embarrassed, but some things are still better kept private.

“What did I say to make you so happy,” I ask him in return, confused.

My sister has told me many times about the things we say in our sleep, that they are the thoughts of our unconscious. I am kind of nervous to find out what my unconscious truly thinks. In particular about Tony, since I keep dreaming about him.

“Let’s just say that you care a whole lot more than you let on,” he responds.

This is the moment where I just don’t have anything to say. Do I ask Tony what he is talking about? Do I want to know what I said and risk humiliation? If the things Tony is insinuating are true, I’m not sure if I want to know the truth. That would probably cause some extensive therapy with or without my sister.

“What did I say,” I then blurt out without thinking about it.

Oh great job Kate, now he’s going to embarrass you. Now if I can only stop him from letting these things get out of this room. No one can ever know about this, if I have even the slightest idea how bad this is going to be.

“You don’t really want to know, Kate,” Tony says in his usual annoying way. “You like the denial too much. You need to figure it out for yourself.”

That is both scarily true and very patronizing. The big strong man knows everything and the woman just has to figure it out for herself. And this woman will.

I think I already know what he is referring to; something that would explain both the dreams and why I stayed with Tony and pretended to have the plague in the first place. To be honest, the idea is kind of scary. That’s the denial part.

I have started caring too much, that is what my dreams have been telling me. And that is bad, because it’s Tony. He doesn’t do that sort of thing. He has one-night-stands, and is happy to get rid of them the next day. I can’t be that kind of woman.

“I never said anything,” I order to Tony.

This has never happened. I will repress and store these thoughts somewhere else. It’s just all wrong. He is DiNozzo, my skirt-chasing annoying work-partner.

Oh God, Gibbs would kill the both of us. He has rules for this sort of thing.

“Let go of the denial, Katie,” Tony replies with his infamous smirk.

All of these thoughts, and it has never even occurred to me that he might not even feel that way. Maybe he’s just humoring me because he’s bored or between girlfriends. I am such an idiot for even thinking about all of this.

“You’ve gone completely crazy, DiNozzo,” I tell him.

As long as I can make it out okay. It’s all self-preservation in the end. I cannot believe that I could have been stupid enough to care. He’s the guy who has annoyed me since the day that I met him. There must be something wrong with me.

“But you like me that way,” he says, teasingly.

He knows and I know. This is the point of no return. I guess I will have to make a choice now. It’s probably going to be something like kiss or kill.

Oh God, Gibbs is going to kill the both of us.

The last stray thought before I just let go and kiss Tony. This could be either an amazing thing, or something really bad. I’m leaning towards amazing right now. Apparently, he has had enough practice with those stupid bimbo’s.

At that, I remember why I have been denying it all. I have been denying it because it is DiNozzo, and because of these bimbo’s. And because he’s my partner.

“This is a mistake,” I tell him as I break away.

He has the nerve to still look smug, and that only strengthens my belief that the whole kissing thing is just a stupid mistake I made, probably because of the recent stress and Tony’s near death-experience during the SWAK case.

“Come on Kate, we both know it wasn’t a mistake,” Tony responds.

It wasn’t a mistake, only it was. It is just too confusing. It was nice - once I stop avoiding I will have to admit that it was more than nice - but it’s Tony! He’s my colleague, and one of the worst players in history. It’s bound to end up wrong, which is just going to ruin the entire atmosphere. Gibbs would kill us, and - oh crap. It’s time for work.

“I need to get to work,” I say, in full avoidance mode.

Tony will understand that this means it was a mistake, and it never happened. No one can know about it. I’m not sure if I’m going to tell Abby about it. She is just going to think that all kinds of things are going to happen between Tony and me.

“Gibbs ordered us to stay home,” Tony answers. “Ari’s back and on the warpath.”

And with that, I can’t breathe. Am I still dreaming? Have my dreams just simply shifted in rating to incorporate some kissing? I’m going to die.

“He’s most likely coming after the women,” he continues.

There is nowhere I’m going to be safe. He found me the last time, so he can find me again somehow. Ari Haswari has held me hostage twice now, and I don’t know what creeps me out most about him. Maybe it’s the fact that I could never kill him.

Damn it, I was in the Secret Service! I’m a federal agent! I’m not supposed to be scared, not about this! I’m supposed to shoot before he can even try.

“So I’m supposed to stay with you,” Tony speaks up again.

The moment you know that things are really bad is when you feel much safer with your annoying skirt-chasing partner around in your own house. I am supposed to feel more comfortable here when I’m by myself. Tony wasn’t supposed to set foot in here. Ever.

I’m not the helpless damsel in distress, and still Tony’s presence is oddly comforting, which is freaking me out more than the kiss. If it is just a kissing thing, I could get over it easily. But if it’s more than that, my heart might not be safe.

That was just way too corny for words. Me, Tony, and corny. Now those things I never would have connected to each other. Tony and corny might actually be possible, because he is usually corny to the degree of lame. I, however, am usually not a love-sick sap. And I did not just use the word love in connection to Anthony DiNozzo.

Move me to Egypt because I like denial!

“I was expecting loud protest by now,” Tony teases.

Well, so was I. And I’m still not sure why I don’t. Not even for pretense. I should be telling Tony that I can easily take care of myself and that I certainly don’t need him to help me with anything, and especially not with this. But I don’t.

“It’s okay to be scared Kate,” he continues.

Scared? I’m not scared. How dare Tony insinuate that I’m scared! He is being so incredibly patronizing, and I could so kick his ass for that. Don’t worry Kate, Tony is here to protect you. Well, he’s going to have to deal. I’ll protect myself.

“I’m not scared,” I say in my I’m-angry-at-DiNozzo-again voice.

“Well, that’s good Caitlin,” the voice of Ari Haswari sounds. 

Tony’s gun is already drawn, and he pulls me to the side immediately. Does he have to pretend at being the knight in shining armor? I can damn well protect myself. He is the one who might be able to use some protection, in the bullets sense. He is going to need help before this is over, and I am going to pull through and save his ass.

“Do you mind,” Tony says to Ari. “We were kind of busy here.”

But then again, I could just let Tony get shot. If he keeps saying things like that I am seriously going to smack him, and it will be more painful than when Gibbs does it. He is not going to insinuate about that one kiss, the one I should really forget. The one I am probably not going to forget about at all, which is a problem.

“I swear Tony, if you don’t shut up now,” I threaten my partner.

And then he just keeps grinning at me! There is a terrorist in my bedroom - oh crap, I am still in my pajamas - and he is simply shooting me that smug grin of his. I am going to kill him after I kill Ari. If only he would give me the chance to get my - gun.

“Are you going to jump me again Katie,” Tony asks, mockingly.

I can see Ari looking surprised at that, which gives me just enough time to get out my gun from under my pillow. I know that makes me a sad, deprived person, but at the moment that is seriously coming in handy. Cause I am going to shoot Ari. He is going to pay for shooting Gerald, and I don’t want him walking around to shoot anyone else.

Tony needs to distract Ari just a little bit longer, so I can get a good shot at him without him noticing. I cannot let him see the gun before I shoot him, so it’s going to have to be fast. But I need to figure out the easiest way to pull this off.

“What can I say, Tony,” I reply, as if I’m bored. “It’s just your sinister attraction.”

Interesting to see that we can easily put this thing - whatever the thing may be - aside and joke about it while in a potentially dangerous situation. That should prove to be interesting when we get back to work. Gibbs won’t have to shoot Tony.

I know Ari is getting ready to shoot, and Tony knows it as well. All that is left now is the question of who is going to shoot who first? It almost seems like a game. A seriously macabre game, but a game nonetheless. Who’s it going to be?

This is the moment. I quickly raise my gun, point it at Ari and shoot. He falls down, but there was another shot shortly before mine. Was it Tony, or was it Ari?

“Kate,” a weakened version of Tony’s voice sounds.

Looking over at Tony, I can see that he has been shot. I need to check if Ari is really dead before I go to check on Tony any further. Ari needs to be dead. My aim is usually very accurate, but this happened so fast, that I’m not sure if I hit him the right way.

There is no pulse there, so now I can turn to Tony, who is staring at me while his left hand is on his bleeding right shoulder. It is just the shoulder. Tony is going to be fine, if he gets to a hospital. But we need to call Gibbs first.

“He could have killed you easily, you know,” I remark at Tony. “He had enough time to take a more accurate shot at you while I was grabbing my gun. But no, you had to distract him from me and risk yourself being killed! You idiot!”

Of course, Tony just smiles his self-assured smile at me. Like he isn’t bleeding from a gunshot wound to the shoulder. I really have to call Gibbs. When I find my phone.

“We’re even again Katie,” Tony says, still with that smile.

Is it wrong that the term idiot seems more like an endearment right now? It is just so typically Tony DiNozzo that I just have to smile back at him.

I dial Gibbs’ number - it’s on my speed dial - as soon as I manage to find the phone. The sooner I get this over with, the sooner I can get Tony to a hospital. The fact that calling the boss comes before getting Tony to a hospital is pretty damn twisted.

“Gibbs, it’s Kate,” I say as soon as he picks up. “Ari’s dead. I killed him. I’m going to get DiNozzo to the hospital. Ari shot him in the shoulder.”

I cannot waste anymore time and words, so I simply hang up before I get any response from Gibbs. He is just going to bark at me for passing out, and then even more for letting DiNozzo get shot. I’ve heard that all before, so excuse me for shifting my priorities to keeping Tony alive, over keeping Gibbs something resembling happy.

“You’ll need to drive my car,” Tony announces.

He has already nicked one of my towels to use as a bandage. Of course, it’s one of my best towels, but that’s just Tony for you.

“I think the car will survive,” I respond, teasing.

<><><><><>

I am still at the hospital, waiting for the surgeon to get out the rest of the bullet fragments from Tony’s shoulder. I have called Abby, and she should be here any minute to keep me company in my waiting. I haven’t talked to anyone else just yet.

“How’s Tony,” my best friend almost comes running.

The older people waiting as well are looking at Abby in that usual strange way. Of course, that is because of the interesting outfits she usually wears. Abby is not disturbed by it at all, and smiles at them in her usual friendly way.

“They’re still getting some pieces out,” I explain to her.

Abby just hugs me, without saying another word. And I hold on, because I’m still dealing with all of it in my head. I haven’t even properly dealt with everything involving the SWAK case just yet, let alone with everything that happened today. Not just the Ari-stuff, but the things involving me and Tony as well. It’s all complicated.

“And now you’re going to tell me why you wouldn’t let Tony leave,” Abby remarks, always the astute observer. “I was getting a distinct vibe there.”

Is it wrong that I almost forgot that Abby was actually there when I practically begged Tony to stay with me? It probably is, and I’m still sticking with the sleeping thing as my defense. Why, oh why do I talk in my sleep? About Tony?

“He was dying in my nightmare,” I try to explain.

Not that Abby won’t know that it’s more than that. She always does. I think she has some kind of extra sense that just knows when there is more to something, most of the time also knowing exactly what more. Like she’ll know that Tony and I kissed. She will look at me and just know what we did, and start asking for the details.

“You kissed him, didn’t you Kate,” she asks me, as if she already knows.

Abby is always this amazingly perceptive. She knew about some things between me and Tony before I even thought about it. And now she proves it again.

“One day you’ll have to tell me your secret,” I can’t help but joke. “You’re right, by the way. We did kiss. And before you start asking, I start avoiding, and I end up talking about it anyway: yes, it was good. But it’s Tony! And Gibbs would shoot the both of us.”

Usually, I avoid the topic, but Abby manages to get it out of me anyway. Now who’s the woman with the Secret Service training, I ask you. Today, I am simply too tired to keep drawing it out any longer. Also, Tony will be out of surgery soon.

“There is nothing wrong with liking Tony,” Abby states.

Well, I have a mental list that says otherwise. Maybe the fact that I have spent so much time thinking about it should have clued me in about all of it earlier. I never needed to take this much time convincing myself I shouldn’t date someone before. And even now, my main cons are Gibbs’ rules and I’m not sure about his skirt-chasing.

“I’m just setting myself up for a world of hurt,” is the only way I can say it. “Gibbs has rules about this sort of thing. And it would only last a week anyway.”

That is actually the main thing. I am not risking Gibbs’ wrath for a week with Tony, a week that will only end up in heartache for me. From what I’ve seen so far, Tony’s attention span is pathetically short when it comes to girls. I think the longest thing I have ever heard about was about a week or two, maybe a month tops.

“So it’s like that,” Abby has figured it all out again. “You think that Tony isn’t really in it, and is just looking for another girl of the week. It’s more than that Kate. If it didn‘t mean anything he wouldn‘t be risking an angry Gibbs because of it.”

Abby has a good point there, as usual. I just really don’t want to completely ruin the comfortable working relationship I had with Tony, even though we bickered just about the entire time - in a sexually charged way, apparently. I like my job, and I don’t want to quit because the entire atmosphere is ruined because of a failed relationship.

“It’s bound to end badly, Abs,” I tell her my viewpoint.

I’m half expecting a lecture on taking risks every once in a while. I know I usually play it very safe in relationships, and that makes me hesitant to take the plunge now.

“What is bound to end badly,” Tony suddenly shows up.

He is doing better, he must be. He is walking around already, apparently refusing the hospital policy wheelchair like I just knew he would. He is an idiot for not taking any advantage of this, but even that has turned into a fond use of the word.

“You with a gun,” I mock him with a smile.

I have to look him over to see if he’s alright, knowing that he probably already broke some stitches flirting with a pretty nurse or doctor. That only makes it much easier for me to hold on to all the reasons why I am not immediately jumping him - the other reasons besides the recent injuries. I just have to hold on to that.

“Caitlin Todd,” an unfamiliar voice sounds.

Looking at the woman who said this, I know I was right about Tony pulling his stitches for a doctor. She seems a bit smarter than Tony’s usual type, but he would never be above flirting with her. Judging by nurse Emma’s response during the SWAK-case, these women never seem to mind when Tony flirts. They find him amusing.

“Yes, that is me,” I speak to the unfamiliar woman.

“I am doctor Jeanne Benoit,” she speaks. “Mister DiNozzo has listed your name as his emergency contact, and I need to check if you are in the position to stay with him tonight. Seeing as he told me you are his girlfriend, I don’t suppose you would mind.”

I know that I am in a hospital, but would people mind if I shot Tony again? Why would he tell the doctor that I am his girlfriend? Especially since he usually wants to score with the female doctors or with a nurse. It was only the one kiss anyway.

“Is there something you want to tell me Tony,” Abby enters the conversation.

Please Tony, give Abby something more to gossip about than she already has. He must have known that I would tell Abby about the kiss. Nothing can be kept a secret around Abby anyway. She is too good at reading people. She will always find out.

“I may have embellished just a little bit,” Tony argues with a smirk.

The surprise that Tony would even use a word like embellished turns into some sort of happiness at being listed as his emergency contact. I guess it means something that he did that, though I am not completely sure what it really means.

“Not if you play your cards right,” Abby replies to that.

Of course, Abby needs to give Tony a rather obvious hint. I am not sure if I appreciate it, but I guess Tony and I were due for some serious conversation anyway.

“Is there a problem,” doctor Benoit asks in confusion.

I should really leave this for Tony to explain. He got himself into this mess, and now he will have to get himself out of it. I know I am going to help him anyway. We need to talk, and I want to watch over him for tonight anyway, if only to make sure he’s still there. If I am called his girlfriend because of that, well then so be it.

“Everything’s fine,” I simply say. “I can watch over Tony for tonight, no problem.”

The man in question is wiggling his eyebrows, as to insinuate there will be more than just watching going on. Well, maybe in his dreams, because nothing is going to happen, especially not now that the doctor just picked a bullet from his shoulder.

“Tony,” I continue, sounding more annoyed than I am. “Mind. Gutter. Out of it.”

He doesn’t stop smirking, of course, because that is just the way he is. Abby is seriously amused by it all - she probably already has ideas of a relationship between me and Tony - and the doctor doesn’t seem to be sure about what to think about it.

“Can you talk to Gibbs, Abby,” I ask my friend.

I am still hoping that Gibbs doesn’t show up at the hospital and notices this thing - or whatever it may be - between me and Tony. He would kill us for breaking rule 12. Not that he won’t kill us if Tony and I choose to pursue this thing. And if he tries it now, at least we will be in the hospital. Let me just talk to Tony first, I guess.

“No problem Kate,” Abby says, saluting like a real soldier.

Both Tony and I grin at that, and the doctor looks a bit confused. It is just another of those typically Abby things that you start to appreciate when you start working with Gibbs. I often wondered why those two get along so well. Abby tones his grumpiness down, I guess, like the daughter Gibbs never had. Not as far as I know, anyway.

“Let’s get me into bed then,” Tony says with a patented smirk.

Only Tony could be this permanently stuck in the gutter, I cannot help but think. It’s a bit strange that I am not more annoyed at this, but it’s simply a part of Tony. I will never completely give up on lecturing him on it, but staying annoyed isn’t great either.

“You are sleeping alone mister,” I tell him, only halfway annoyed.

The doctor - Jeanne, I believe it was - laughs at that. I’ve just gotten pretty good at handling Tony when he’s like this - two years of practice will do that to you. It’s just the way Tony and I deal with each other, the whole banter thing. I’m used to it.

“But what about my sinister attraction Katie,” Tony asks me as we start walking.

He just has to throw that comment back in my face, of course. It just makes me glad that the atmosphere is still light, and that it is merely a joke.

“We’ll get back to that when you don’t have a bullet wound,” I point out.

I swear he starts pouting at that, and I have to put in an effort to ignore him. How much medication do they have him on anyway? But then again, Tony has always managed to show some signs of childish behavior, and most of the time more than signs. Now he is just smiling at me and I cannot help myself. I smile back.

<><><><><>

When we actually arrive at Tony’s apartment door, however, I notice Gibbs and McGee waiting for us. I cannot escape the idea that I am inherently screwed. Not because of McGee of course, because the worst he would do is tell Abby, but because of Gibbs.

“DiNozzo,” Gibbs barks. “I see you’re back from the hospital.”

If only Tony would go for a couple of minutes without cracking some sort of dirty joke, if only he could keep his mind out of the gutter for a couple of minutes. I really don’t want to be fired again, and especially not because of the same reason I was fired for at the Secret Service. Why do I have the habit of falling for co-workers?

“And almost in one piece too,” Tony replies with a big smile.

Why is Gibbs here to check on Tony anyway? I’m sure he always worries a little, but to actually come to visit? That only happens when you get the plague, and even then it’s not so much a visit, just an order to get better. Not to say bad things about Gibbs.

“You still look like hell,” Gibbs answers.

I must admit that Tony has looked better, but I really don’t want to comment on his looks any further. His ego is through the roof anyway, and I really don’t want to make it any worse. He knows all too well how he looks. He knows it too well.

“Come on Tony,” I tell him, “let’s get you into bed.”

Smiling an apologetic smile at McGee, I move into the apartment with Tony. It looks pretty neat, especially considering that it is Tony’s apartment. I never pegged him for a neat freak. He probably has a maid. He’s too lazy to clean up for himself.

“The doctor never ordered me to stay in bed,” the lazy man says.

Well then, I’ll just drop him in front of the TV and let him entertain himself for a while, while I think about what I’m going to say in the inevitable discussion of what happened at my apartment earlier. And I don’t mean the part with the terrorist and the shooting. I mean the part with the arguing and then the kissing.

“You should have been in bed in the first place,” I argue with him. “Your legs are still wobbly, and you can’t say that it’s just the medication. You’re still sick.”

I dump him on his comfortable couch and he simply smirks at me. I bet he is loving this, having me to watch over him for the rest of the day and night. He will not be so happy once I am through with him. I wouldn’t hurt him or anything, but I am certainly going to say a couple of things. Some pretty uncomfortable things, I guess.

“I see you two are busy,” Gibbs remarks in his usual tone.

He turns around to leave, and to be honest, that is making me a little more comfortable than I was. Maybe after I had the talk with Tony I’ll be able to look Gibbs in the eye again without fearing to be fired on the spot. And I really like this job.

“I’m glad to see you’re both fine,” McGee says before he leaves as well, calling the last bit over his shoulder. “I’ll call Ducky and tell him about Ari’s autopsy.”

The talkative elderly ME is sure to love finally being able to weigh Ari’s liver, like he had mentioned the first time Ducky and I met him. It is Ducky’s vengeance for Gerald being shot in the shoulder, something we are all still angry about.

“Alone at last,” Tony says when the door is closed again.

Only Tony would make such a corny comment. He is still full of his usual bravura, while I am getting a bit nervous about the upcoming conversation. I know these strange feelings I have for him are all wrong, and that he is probably just baiting me for a laugh. Only I know better than that, because Tony would never do that to me. Not only is he a better person than that, he is also way too afraid that I would kick his ass.

“We need to talk, Tony,” I tell him, still not sure what to say.

This is the most used line of impending doom, I know that. I have been privy to it myself many times in my personal life. Most of the break-up conversations I had have started with that exact line, so it has bad connotations for me. I am just not sure what else to say.

“This is about earlier,” he states the obvious.

Here it is, the rarely seen serious side of Anthony DiNozzo. I am just glad he isn’t joking about this, because that would just start another of our infamous fights and I am really not in the mood to be fighting with him right now.

“Yes, it is,” I agree with him. “We have to talk about that.”

If only I knew what to say about it all. Could I risk it all and really try with him? Does he even like me? I feel like a teenage girl again, and my teenage years are not a time in my life that I would like to repeat. Too much insecurity and awkwardness.

“I’m sorry if you felt like I was just pushing you around,” Tony starts to talk. “If you think it was a mistake, we’ll just go on like it has never happened.”

He’s leaving the choice in my hands, and that is even more scary than it would have been if he had called everything a mistake. Now it is up to me to decide what this is going to be, and I really don’t know how to define it all. I don’t know exactly what I’m feeling about all this. Was it a mistake? I don’t think it was. But what now?

“And if I don’t think it was a mistake,” I ask him carefully.

Tony smiles at that, and that makes this whole thing both a little easier and a little more difficult. I know that he doesn’t want it to be a mistake. Somehow that is comforting, but it is also a bit scary. And I am reverting back to my teenage self again.

“I’m glad it’s not a mistake,” he tells me. “That means I can do it again.”

And with those words, he leans in and kisses me again. To be honest, it is almost better than it was earlier today. I have the assurance that I am not being completely stupid and that the kiss is definitely mutual this time. It feels amazing.

He is the one to draw back first, a little out of breath, but smiling. So I just have to kiss him again. And again. And again because he smiles in that really nice way.

“Maybe we should stop,” he breaks the kissing. “I can’t believe that I’m saying this, but this means more than just kissing. Oh man, I’m turning into McGee.”

I laugh and kiss him again, just because I can. And because I am not the only one who is stumbling in the dark with this thing. He is as clueless as I am, and I like it. We can figure this thing out together. I think there should be more kissing.

“It does mean more,” I admit to him. “I think this is why I stayed. With the plague. I couldn’t leave you to die in there. Not when I just -”

Maybe it is a little too early to share that discovery just yet. I wouldn’t want to scare him off immediately. He already knows most of my quirks, which is a plus, but scaring him away within the day would even be a record of some kind for me.

“I understand,” he says. “It’s why I distracted Ari. I couldn’t let you die.”

We don’t need a bunch of fancy words or overly romantic and dramatic declarations of love right now. We both understand what the other person means, and what we don’t know yet, we’ll figure that out together. I like where we are right now.

“Now that we’ve covered that,” Tony quickly changes the tone of the conversation from serious to lighthearted. “Can we get back to the kissing?”

I laugh out loud, wrap my arms around him and kiss him again.

THE END